The Joke's on You
by leftyguitar
Summary: Joker's on the loose, and I'm being shot at. Being the only honest cop in Gotham sucks. And my best hope is the supposed murderer, Batman. Fun. Story told from my OC's point of view, hope you like it. first batman fic, btw
1. Lucky Me

Disclaimer: Batman belongs to DC comics, not me

**Disclaimer: Batman belongs to DC comics, not me. Duh. **

**A/N: Repost!! Sorry nothing new, but I am editing the earlier chapters, (many thanks to Jaded Mara for Betaing) **

**Next chapter is written, but you'll have to be patient (it REALLY needs editing)**

**Chapter I**

**Lucky Me**

Getting shot should hurt like hell, but I was too high on adrenaline to notice. At least until it started getting harder to breathe. I turned and blinked up at gunman in shock.

My name is Jacob Wolfe and the man who shot me happens to be my partner. That's what I get for being what felt like the only honest cop in Gotham. I haven't been here long enough for the rot of this city to take hold.

Tommy and I were supposed to be busting some big shot arms dealer for the mob. The new Commissioner was actually doing his job. Unfortunately, he was the only one; that's just the way it is in Gotham.

The bust would get his attention, assuming I didn't bleed to death first.

I was surrounded and in big trouble. Tommy stared at me, wondering why I hadn't fallen down yet.

For my part, I was too pissed to fall. I knew I was dead, but for some reason hadn't quit breathing. I locked eyes with Tom and said, "You just shot me." He took a step a back from me. Time seemed to slow down.

Mutt, my police dog, was snarling in the background, waiting for a command. Tommy continued to stare at me.

I slugged him as hard I could and almost enjoyed it. The rest of the thugs circled me. I took a swing at the nearest one.

There was a satisfying smack as my punch made contact. As a scrawny kid growing up in the Narrows, I'd learned to fight a long time ago. The thugs were big and slow.

Of course, there were six of them and one of me. I went on the defensive, blocking most of the blows. One of them closed the distance while two others crept behind.

I kicked the first guy's leg out of from under, but still couldn't turn in time. A lead weight seemed to slam into my left knee. It buckled under my weight and I almost fell.

If I had, they would've killed me. I shifted my weight and waited for the next wave to come.

Then the Batman dropped from the ceiling. He looked at me for a half a second. Another shot of adrenaline ran through my body. It was that fight-flight syndrome, I bet. My leg hurt too much to fly very far.

I grinned at Batman, exposing my sharp canines. He seemed to return my smile and wheeled toward the goons; Tommy had bolted the second Batman showed up.

I sent Mutt after Tommy and looked to the Batman again, balanced on my good leg. He tilted his head. Something told me that I should get the hell out of his way.

I complied, limping away from the thugs as Batman struck.

They never stood a chance against him. He seemed to move through them as if they were standing still.

Mutt's snarl made me shift my attention. The dog had dragged back over.

I was tired of screwing around.

"Move and I put a bullet in your head." I meant it. Part of wanted a reason to shoot right there.

A thud informed me Batman had taken the last of the thugs down. He looked me over while I debated shooting Tommy anyway.

Except he was no longer a threat. I couldn't just shoot the guy with him lying there. Besides, something told me Batman wouldn't like it.

I drew a ragged breath and glanced back over towards the Batman. He walked over and assessed the situation.

I was standing on one good leg and trying not to pass out. "Help me cuff him."

Batman obliged and Tommy offered no resistance.

"Thanks." I muttered. "Any point in trying to arrest you?"

He shook his head. At least I got an answer. I didn't think he was really a murderer anyway.

"Didn't think so." I said, chuckling to myself.

Batman shrugged. "Just glad to find an honest cop." He sounded like Clint Eastwood with a bad cold.

That made me laugh harder.

Then, I started to cough. I was coughing up blood. "That can't be good." Breathing was a lot harder then it should've been.

Batman looked again and figured out most of the blood I was wearing happened to be my own. I remember hearing him swear but not much else after that.

**Interlude I**

_I'm walking towards my basement stairs. I could Daddy hear yelling again. He'd been drinking again. I'm afraid, but can't remember why. _

_The yelling is louder now. Mommy's crying and I can hear little Kayleigh. They're both down there with him. They both sound afraid. I try to run, but my legs won't work. _

_They're carrying me closer to the door. I can't leave them all alone. _

_I'm reaching for the doorknob now-_

**End Chapter I**


	2. Live To Fight Another Day

Disclaimer: not mine

**Disclaimer: not mine. **

**A/N: Another repost, trying to edit properly, thanks to Jaded Mara for Betaing. **

**Chapter II**

**Live to Fight Another Day**

"As long as hot blood runs through my veins, I'm still alive" -  
Meatloaf, 'Alive'

I knew I was in the hospital before I opened my eyes. The smell of death and disinfectant was a dead give-away. At least it wasn't the morgue.

A dull ache seemed to run through my body, along with the fuzzy feeling I associated with painkillers. It seemed I would live to fight another day. We Wolves are tough. Had to be, these days.

Looking around, I noticed that I wasn't alone. I squinted at the blurry person across the room, wondering what happened to my glasses. I knew should recognize him, but I was tired and half-blind.

The person seemed tired, too. Took him a full thirty seconds to see that I was awake. He blinked at me and strode across the room.

"Officer Wolfe?" Now I knew him. Commissioner Gordon had decided to visit me. Not how I wanted to meet him, but I'd take what I what I could get.

"Hi." It's hard to sound causal from a hospital bed. On the other hand, maybe I'm just a dork. I tried to sit up to talk, but any moving seemed painful.

Gordon stopped me. "Take it easy. You've had a hell of a night."

"Call me Jim." Up close, he looked exhausted.

"Okay Jim. What do you want?" The direct approach is always best.

He sighed. "I understand you met Batman last night."

"Yeah. He dropped from the ceiling and saved my ass."

Gordon looked down at me. "I see."

And then I started running my big mouth again. "The guy saved my life. Was I supposed to arrest him? We both know Batman's no killer."

Gordon said nothing, just stared at me.

"I mean, he's never used a gun; never killed anybody before or after the Dent thing." I paused. "No motive, either. Hell, Dent had more of a reason…"

I stopped dead when I realized where this was going. Harvey Dent meant way too much to Gotham to follow that train of thought. "Batman didn't really say much, anyway.

"I know, but he told me about you."

Right. Someone had to have called for backup. Jim continued, "Seemed to be impressed."

"That's nice." I must sound like an idiot. "What about Tom?"

"Thought I'd let him think his story over in a cell."

"Won't be enough." I paused, changed the subject. "How's Mutt?" My four-legged partner was proving more trustworthy then most humans.

"He's watching the door. Damn near tore Tommy's arm off."

I grinned. "Good."

Gordon shrugged. Whatever he was thinking, it had nothing to do with my dog. "Listen, I've got to go. I'll take a full statement later. You get some rest." He paused. "Gotham needs more cops like you."

I shrugged. "A hospital is no place to rest."

He really did smile that time. "I'll be seeing you _Detective_ Wolfe."

Great. A promotion for almost getting myself killed. Except getting shot in the back tends to take a lot out of you, and I was starting to doze off again. Must've been the morphine.

**Interlude II**

_The screams are getting louder now. I'm scared, but I know Kayleigh must be terrified. Daddy wasn't really a bad guy, but when he'd been drinking…_

_Then I was in front of the basement door again. Kayleigh and Mommy need me. I'm only eight, but I have to take care of them. _

_I'm at the bottom of the stairs. I see Daddy, standing by the water heater with Kayleigh, _

" '_Bout time you got here, Freckles." He smells like whiskey and there's something shiny and silver in his hand. _

**End Interlude II**

"Freckles?" My sister's voice floated through the stark white hospital room. It's just a stupid nickname, but if anyone else used it I'd deck them.

I sat up. A few hours sleep does wonders. "Please tell me you brought pizza and beer."

She laughed. It sounds young and innocent. "Guess they can't have messed you up that bad."

I grinned. "Takes more then a stray bullet to bring me down." I said. I didn't need to worry her. "How's school?" She was studying art at Gotham Institute. With full a scholarship, thanks to the Wayne Foundation. I can sketch a little, but Kay's artwork is amazing.

"Great, but my roomie's a neat freak and it's driving me up the wall." We chatted about school and the habits of highly irritating people. It felt good to talk about something other then Batman. I didn't need the third degree from her.

I'd be getting it from Jim soon enough. Kayleigh had at least brought me my sketchbook, iPod, and a copy of Watchmen. The painkillers were starting to wear off, so any distraction was a welcome one.

After telling me I'd love Watchmen she left. I thumbed through the book about five minutes when the richest man in Gotham showed up in my hospital room.

Bruce Wayne. I'd met him at a few charity events. Most of the time, he's not a obnoxious as the papers make him out to be. And when he is, the act is too over the top to be anything but an act.

None of which explains what he was doing in my hospital room.

"Mr. Wayne?"

"Call me Bruce." Right. He was always telling people to call him Bruce. Being rich and famous seems to amuse the hell of him, and when I was a kid the Wayne family was just a name on a few parks and hospitals.

"Hello, Bruce." What are you doing here, I wondered.

Wayne gave the fake smile that shows up in the papers. The one that never seems to reach his eyes. "I was here on another matter, and heard one of Gotham's finest was in the hospital. Thought I'd stop in and say hello."

He stepped further into the room, knocking over a chair with my battered leather jacket on it. Kayleigh had been borrowing earlier.

"Sorry." He picked it up and gave the fake smile again. "I'm such a klutz."

"Don't worry about it." Jim Gordon chose that moment to rescue us from each other. Wayne wasn't a bad guy, but we had nothing in common.

"Jack?" His eyes met Wayne's for a moment. "Am I interrupting something?"

"That's all right." Wayne said. "I've got an appointment anyway." Turning to me, he said, "I hope you have a speedy recovery. Gotham needs you back on the streets."

"Too right." Jim broke in. "It was nice seeing you again, Mr. Wayne."

Wayne nodded and left.

"What was that all about?"

I shrugged. "Beats the hell out of me."

Jim watched Bruce Wayne walk down the corridor, lost in his own thoughts.

I interrupted him. "Any idea when they'll let me out here?"

Gordon shook his head. "You've got two cracked ribs, a bullet in your lung, and you tore a tendon in your knee. What do you think?"

Guess he had a point. I gestured at the clipboard he was carrying. "Let's get this over with."

He nodded and I told him about what happened last night, starting with entering the warehouse. There was supposed to be a large supply of guns hidden there.

Unfortunately, there were also people around to shoot them. Tommy had offered me a cut of the mob's money, and I told him to go hell. Or at least directly to jail.

He shot me in the back, and the rest was history. Gordon didn't interrupt me, just taking notes and looking very, very tired.

Didn't all that surprised Tommy sold me out, either, Of course, this was Gotham. He thanked me after I finished and warned me I needed to watch my back.

He said something about transferring me to the Major Crimes Unit, but by then, I was getting sleepy.

"Get some rest." Jim told me.

"Looks like you could use some yourself." He gave a tired smile and left.


	3. Many Meetings

Disclaimer: Batman is not mine

**Disclaimer: Batman is not mine. **

**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews so far. Not sure when this one will be posted, but I hope you like. **

**Chapter III**

**Many Meetings**

I was stuck in the hospital for about a week. I spent most of it bored out of my skull, but a few things happened that are important to the story.

The first was finding the "Batphone" in my jacket pocket. It happened the day after Bruce Wayne and Jim Gordon visited me.

I was hobbling around the hospital room. I can't stand sitting still for too long and decided to see what damage to my knee was. Not the best idea I'd ever had, and the head nurse looked as if she'd shoot me when she caught me.

I was holding on to the chair for balance when I knocked it over. And when I picked up the jacket there was something heavy and compact in the pocket. My first thought was that Kay had left her phone in it or something.

I pulled it out. The object was silver on one side and black on the other. It looked like an iPhone; only it was a little thicker and a lot heavier. The silver side had a small bat etched into it. That should've been the biggest clue.

I flipped the phone over and noticed a small button in the corner of it. Without thinking, I press it with my thumb and the screen lit up.

That's also when Attila the head nurse came to see what all the racket was. I hid the phone and listened to her threat to tie me to the bed if I wouldn't stay put.

Me being me, I just said I wasn't into that. Attila rolled her eyes and left. As soon as she was gone the phone was out and I found that it was much more then just a phone.

The thing took my prints, connected me to the Internet, and was sending data somewhere. I decided not to mess with that feature until I knew where.

And it seemed to use the same ports as you standard iPod, which made charging it a hell of a lot easier.

I was messing around with some of the different applications on it when it rang. I almost dropped the thing.

"Hello, Detective Wolfe speaking."

Batman answered in the ridiculous he always spoke in. "I see you found your new toy."

A million questions ran through my head at once. "How…"

"I'm Batman."

"No shit, Sherlock." I could've told me that. "Why?"

"Because I think I can trust you. If you need to reach me, leave a message. It'll also reach Gordon, has a tracking device, and will tell me whatever's going on around you."

"Cool. Does it do anything else?" I've got a thing for high tech toys.

"Maybe." Batman said. "But you're the only one that can use it. Gordon has one too."

"That's nice…" And he hung up on me. That was it.

Batman gave the coolest phone ever, and he hung up on me. Great.

The other thing that happened was getting the invite to the gallery opening. The generous Bruce Wayne had decided that he wanted to fund an exhibition of student work, which included my sister's. Which meant Selina and I would have to go.

Selina's my girlfriend, in case you didn't know. Selina Kyle, yet another poor kid doing her best in this big, bad city. This was more her kind of party then mine, but I'd be happy as long as there was an open bar.

I found out about it when Kay brought my laptop over for me. She was grinning at me for no apparent reason.

"What's up?"

She shrugged. "The ceiling." That's what passes for wit around here.

"You're hilarious."

Kayleigh frowned at me. "Keep it up and I won't tell you the good news."

"You just saved money on your car insurance?"

"Don't be a smart ass."

"You started it."

She stuck her tongue out at me.

"Real mature." I said. "So what's the big news?"

"Bruce Wayne's sponsoring a gallery of student work."

"Including yours, of course." I smiled. She could use the exposure. "When is it?"

"Halloween. You're supposed to come in costume."

"You mean you want me to go and hang out with bunch rich snobs?"

Kay pouted.

"I hope there's an open bar."

"Mr. Wayne does know how to throw a party." Selina entered the room.

I grinned. "True enough. Come with me?"

And so it went.

About a week passed. I spent it recovering and playing Guitar Hero in my apartment. By the time I was cleared to go back to work, I beat the game no less than thirty-seven times.

I was still limping a bit, but there was a mountain of paperwork waiting on my new desk. I spent most of my shift there when Gordon taped my on the shoulder and suggested we get some air out on the roof.

Mutt and I followed him up the stairs. It was cold and rainy outside, so we wouldn't be interrupted.

Gordon lit himself a cigarette and waited. I just stood and shivered.

Mutt started barking a few minutes later. I grabbed the dog's collar before he could maul our visitor.

Batman had arrived. He seemed to tower over Jim and I. This was the first time I'd gotten a good look at him, but that didn't count for much. All I can tell you about him is that he's a good six inches taller then me and he has perfect teeth.

Jim just looked up at him. "You're late."

Batman shrugged. "Sorry. Ran into that cat woman again."

Gordon shrugged. "She's goddamn nuisance." They were talking about the latest on Gotham Most Wanted list. She dressed like a cat and stole from the well off and the well insured. Sometimes I think this city attracts crazy people. There has to be something in the air.

He finally noticed me "What's he doing here?" I couldn't tell if he was angry or not.

Jim rolled his eyes. "Because I told him to come. He's going be working this case."

I hate it when people talk as if I wasn't standing right there. "What case?"

Jim sighed and looked at Batman. "The Joker's escaped."

"How?" Now he really sounded mad. "How could this happen?"

Jim continued. "He was aided by his psychologist."

"What?" I didn't believe it.

"Young women named Harleen Quinn."

**A/N. I hate to stop here, but I need to go to class. Sorry this took so long, but it's been a busy weekend. Thanks for reading, and feel free to leave a review. Bye for now. **


	4. Home Again

Disclaimer: not mine

**Disclaimer: not mine**

**A/n thanks for the reviews, hope to get this ASAP. Hope you like it. **

**Chapter IV**

**Home Again**

"_I don't where I had been/But I know what I had seen/  
Made me chill right to the Bone/Made me wish that I'd stayed home_

_-George Harrison, Midnight Blue_

Batman glared down at the two of us as if it was our fault. I hadn't been around when the Joker first showed up, but knew he was one sick bastard.

His silence was deafening.

"How did you find him last time?"

Batman shook his head. "Can't tell you, and it wouldn't help. All I can say is that if it seems too easy, it is."

"Great." My first assignment could be my last if I wasn't careful. For some reason, a quote from Watchman came to mind. "Some of us have always lived on the edge. It is possible to survive if you observe the rules. Hang on by fingernails and don't look down."

"What?" Gordon was staring at me.

"Never mind." I laughed. "Guess I've got my work cut out for me." I love a challenge.

Batman didn't answer; He was just staring at me. "What?"

"Been doing a little digging into your background."

"Good for you." My story looked like something out a Lifetime movie, but I've never done anything criminal.

"Just thought it was interesting." He said.

Gordon frowned. "He knows about what really happened to Harvey Dent."

"So he's a sharp kid." He turned toward me. I held my ground, despite the fact that the guy in the suit had to be twice my size. "What are you going do about it?"

I thought about giving some speech about truth, justice, etc. But after a few seconds of thought, I knew telling the rest of the world would do more harm then good.

Besides, you can't prosecute a dead man. "Nothing. Wouldn't do any this  
city any good. "

Batman nodded. And then he disappeared. I don't know how he did it with me staring straight at him, but he did.

Gordon just shook his head, like he'd expected it.

"I don't suppose you have any leads?"

"All we know is that nobody's heard from Dr. Quinn or the Joker in days."

"So all we know is that we don't know."

Gordon swore under his breath. "And we won't get anything till he wants us to." He looked down at me.

"You may as well go home. There's nothing we can do here."

So I grabbed my dog and left. My knee was still killing me, but I didn't feel like going home yet.

The only thing waiting for me was Star Trek reruns, Ramen and a bottle of Jack Daniels. Not that I have anything against that, but after what Gordon told me I decided spending the night alone could be a bad idea.

I started my old Mustang and headed for Selina's apartment. Ten minutes later, Mutt and I were standing in front of her building, arguing with an aging security guard and getting soaking wet.

No, Miss Kyle wasn't home and she said nothing about visitors.

No, he couldn't let me wait inside for her.

Yes, he knew it was pouring but he had to keep suspicious people out. The two of us spent a good half hour arguing. I was just about to pull out my badge and tell me where to stick it Selina rescued me.

Dangerous criminals are no problem for me. But the key to defeating ninety-year old self important security guards.

"Jack!" She smiled at me. Selina has a lovely smile. "Good to see you." To the old guard she said, "It's all right Ralph; he's a friend of mine and he's a cop."

Ralph the security guard wished her a good evening and went to go sulk at his desk. I could still feel him glaring at me as Selina and I went inside.

I took off my glasses and wiped the raindrops off for the umpteenth time.

"You know, I'm glad you're but you could've called first."

"And deprive Ralph the security guard the chance to protect a fine young women from 5 foot six dorks that can't think to get an umbrella."

She laughed. "Don't pick on Ralph. You _are _carrying a gun." We reached her door and she reached for her keys.

Selina let us in. Her cats were clustered on the couch, studying Mutt as if he were an alien invader. Mutt barked at them once and flopped down on the carpet like only a big, smelly dog could.

The cats gave him a bored look and decided he wasn't worth paying attention after all.

She ducked into kitchen and started dinner. "So how was your first day back?"

I shrugged. "Pretty boring. I'm still stuck at desk for a week." A good story, and most of it was true. I tossed my messenger bag on the couch and followed her. "The commissioner did give me a promotion, though. How was your day?"

"Same shit, different day." She shrugged. Selina worked at the museum downtown. I find that much more interesting then she does. "Had to start planning Mr. Wayne's big event. He's generous and all but he can be such a pain in the…

Then Selina seemed to notice I was still soaking wet.

"Why don't you get out of those wet clothes while I find a way to warm you up."

It was a while before either of us thought about Bruce Wayne or Batman again.

**Interlude III**

_Kay screaming. Daddy's holding the knife and laughing. There's something different about it this time._

_I'm very scared, the look in eye says he may hurt her or mommy this time. _

"_Hiya, Freckles." There's something very wrong. He smells like that stuff mommy told us not to touch and I know there's not much an eight year old kid can do to help._

"_Have you been a good boy tonight?" _

"_L-L-Let her go."_

_I start towards him. Kay sees me and stomps hard on his foot. _

_He swears, and she runs for the stairs. _

**End Interlude III**

"Jack?" Selina shook me awake.

It took a moment to remember we were on Selina's couch, not in my basement from fifteen years ago.

"Sorry." I muttered, lying back down. "Bad dream."

She nodded and shifted to check the time. "I've got to be at work in a few hours. Why don't we have some breakfast?"

I nodded at sat up. My leg was a still a little stiff, but we were having coffee and talking about Wayne's masquerade party. I still hadn't decided what to go as.

"Bozo the Clown!" She suggested.

"Don't you think that would be in rather bad taste?" I hate clowns.

"Okay… How about Commissioner Gordon?"

"I'd look silly with a moustache." We both laugh. An hour later, she has to leave and I'm still no closer to deciding on a costume.

The clock warned me my shift starts soon, so I grabbed a shower and studied my reflection for a moment. Messy red hair, midnight blue eyes, freckles. A little short and skinny as a rail. Not very intimidating. I'd probably get carded until I was older the Ralph the security guard.

I dressed and found myself wondering what Wayne would go as. He always seems to wearing a mask in public.

**A/n: know, slow chapter. Next will be a lot better. They go to the party and all hell breaks loose. Also, bad things will happen to Harley Quin next chapter because I can be a little sadistic. Anyhow, Thanks for reading and I hope you like it. (If you review I know you liked it… or didn't.) TTFN. **


	5. The Party

Still don't own Batman

**Still don't own Batman**

**A/N: The action is finally starting to pick up again! Thanks for the reviews. This will be a long chapter, but lots of fun. May break it up if I don't have time to finish. **

**Chapter V **

**The Masquerade Ball**

"…_so course you be distracted when I spike the punch"_

_Panic at the Disco, There's a reason these tables are numbered_

I checked my reflection in the mirror one last time. I was wearing a cowboy hat, long duster coat, and a pair of Colt .45 revolvers. I wasn't expecting trouble, but the Joker was still on the loose. I was wearing contacts and a domino mask to hide my identity. Who's ever heard a gunslinger with glasses?

Selina and I were on our way to Bruce's party. And the record shows that some of Bruce's party crashers were trouble.

Kay and her friends would meet us there. I just hoped nobody would recognize me in this get-up. I was supposed to be Roland Deschain, The Last Gunslinger. It also made it easy to hide in plain sight.

Gordon would be there as well. He had all ready asked me to go as security. He's nervous about this, too. Gordon's coming, though I don't know what he's going as. Probably someone else that walks around armed.

"Are you ready yet?" Selina was waiting in the living room. She's going as a sleek black cat. Very sexy. Besides, her huge green eyes complete the look.

I left the bathroom and grinned at her.

"About time." She studied my costume. "Cute."

Nobody takes me seriously. "I'm the world's Last Gunslinger." I huffed.

"Who?" Guess she's not a Dark Tower fan.

"Never mind." I jumped on the back of Harley and she climbs on behind me.

"Are you crazy?" It was starting to rain again, but I didn't care. I don't get to drive the bike as often as I'd like.

"Very probably." I tell her. "But if I am so are you." Then I start the bike and we roar towards the setting sun.

We arrived at the museum a few minutes later. The party had all ready started, with Gotham's elite and a bunch of bored college kids hanging around and drinking heavily.

A tall, headless man greeted us at the door.

"Good evening, sir." He sounded English. "I'm Alfred. I'll be checking all in all guests this evening."

"Hello, Alfred. I'm Jacob Wolfe, and this is My Date, Selina Kyle. My younger sister is one of the artists."

"I see." He checked his list. "Everything seems to be in order."

"Excellent."

"I just have question."

"Yes?"

"Do you always go to art galleries armed, sir?"

I shrugged. "Part of my costume." I pulled out and showed him. "They're not even loaded." _Not yet._

The bullets were hidden in the pockets of my coat.

"Very well. Enjoy the party."

I nodded and we entered the gallery. I spotted Kay right away. She was standing with a handful of other students, dressed as Vincent Van Gogh. Most of the others were dressed as famous artists as well.

She waved me over. I led the way across the gallery and grabbed a glass of champagne from a passing waiter. If I was going to mingle with the rich and famous, I needed a drink first.

We had just started talking when Bruce Wayne entered the party. He was wearing a cape, fangs, and an Armani suit. I hate to admit it, but he makes a good Dracula.

Mr. Wayne had a supermodel on each arm, but seemed to be ignoring them. Instead, he seemed to be ogling Selina.

I certainly had the best-looking girl at the party. I almost laughed at thought of a billionaire being jealous.

Meanwhile, Gordon and his wife had arrived, just in time to rescue me from a conversation about one of the more abstract pieces. I just don't get modern art.

Wayne was talking to man wearing a phantom of the opera mask. He flashed that empty smile at the crowd, but couldn't help noticing he hadn't even touched the glass he was carrying around.

And then the streakers showed up. There's reason you shouldn't invite drunken college students to fancy parties. They may try to have fun. Most of the crowd just took it stride.

Kay, Selina, and I howled with laughter. It wasn't as funny as drunken Karaoke, but it was close. Or it could've just been the champagne. Jim just shook his head.

"Why?"

I grinned. "I dunno, Sherlock. Because they can." He came as Sherlock Holmes. Bruce Wayne, however, was the one who took it a little too far.

Before they could make a run for it, he cornered them. "Excuse me, ladies, but could I buy you a drink?" There was a slur in his words, but I knew was artificial.

He was putting on a show.

After everything settled down, I stepped outside for some air, and to load my guns. I had just reholstered them when someone else stepped out.

It was Mr. Wayne. I smiled at him. "You throw a great party, Mr. Wayne."

He sighed. "_Alfred _throws a great party. I'm just part of the entertainment." Bruce turned to look at me. "Didn't I ask you to call me Bruce?"

This was probably about as close to talking the real Bruce Wayne as anybody got.

"Only if you call me Jack." I offered my hand. He wasn't such a bad guy.

"Hi, Jack." Bruce said. He seemed bored and distracted. "I guess we should rejoin the party." He sounded thrilled. (Not really)

Then Selina came looking for me. "Jack, what are you doing out here?"

"Standing. Talking."

"Don't be a smart ass. One of those clowns asked your sister about the …" She stopped when she realized I wasn't alone.

"Mr. Wayne."

"Ms. Kyle." He looked from her to me, and shook his head. "Glad you decided to take the night off."

"Of course. I'm surprised you could make it down here."

What the hell were they talking about? There was something strange between them. I couldn't quite identify it, but knew it was there.

After staring for a full minute, Selina dragged me back inside. Bruce followed, still looking like he had been hit over the head with a very large board.

I don't know if it was the champagne or the pretentiousness that made me do it.

I climbed up on a table and whistled at the crowd. "Good Evening ladies and Bruces. I'm here to teach you a little bit about philosophy.

And sang the Philosophers' Song by Monty Python. Bruce burst out laughing. I think he was almost enjoying himself. I think he was just glad I temporary taking over his 'drunken entertainment' duties.

Gordon looked somewhere between amused and horrified. Selina just rolled her eyes and Kay sang along.

Alfred had joined the party by then and climbed up on the table to stop me from embarrassing myself further.

But the real trouble started when the clown started to clap. He had shown up in a purple suit and had a costumed girl hanging on his arm. There something very wrong about him.

I slowly realized why the room had gone so quiet. I was starring into the eyes of the Joker.

He clapped a few more times and grinned at me. "Awww, why'd you stop?"

There was something terrifying in that smile. I leapt down; ready to rush him with guns blazing.

Except that, he had one of his own. He stepped away from Harley and grabbed the nearest guest. And happened to be my sister.

Bruce and Jim materialized in front of him.

"Great party, Brucie. Sorry I missed you at the last one."

"Get out." Bruce growled at him. The drunken playboy was gone by now. His entire manner seemed to change.

He growled at the Joker the same way the Batman does.

**A/N: Sorry but this is getting way too long. Part II will be up tomorrow afternoon, but I want to post something for you today. Thanks again, and don't forget to review. **


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